A Terra Sol Story

Once upon a time, there was a child named Quin. Quin lived in a beautiful sheltered Valley that was full of fruit and nut trees for food, clear streams of water, and plenty of wood for a fire, although, to be honest, it was almost never cold. There were other people in the Valley, kind people who helped Quin, but it was always clear that these people were not Quin’s family.

Quin began to turn into an adult, and the curiosity about their family grew stronger. Quin had a distant memory that told them “you are a child of Terra” and “you share your family with Sol”. Quin did not know Terra and Sol, but assured that these were their family, a quest began.

Quin asked the people of the Valley where to find Terra. They hummed and scratched their chins, but finally, they said that the best place to look for Terra was in the deep cave at the far North of the Valley.

Quin set off to this place, which was on the very edge of the little world they knew. The cave was dark and damp, but Quin persisted inward with the help of a torch. The tunnels wound back and forth, and sometimes they were a tight squeeze, but finally, the cave opened into a chamber lined with glistening crystals and stalactites.

At the far end, there were two people, one was a Youth, perhaps just a little younger than Quin, and the other was an ancient, stately Elder in robes and a crown. As Quin approached, the Youth was on the ground, looking at their own toes as if they had never seen them before – wiggling them, sniffing them, playing with them. The Elder was sitting on a ledge, still and with eyes closed, but with a sense of alertness.

“Hello, friends.” Quin started. They were not used to talking to strangers.

“I was told that I may be able to find Terra here.”

“Yes, definitely” said the Youth, excited to share this bit of information. “This is an excellent place to find Terra.” And after a pause, “But you can also find Terra wherever you came from.”

“I believe that I am the child of Terra.” Said Quin, filled with confusion. I am trying to find my parent.

The Youth giddily blurted out. “You are a child of Terra, as are we, as are all the trees and animals and rocks.” At that, the Youth got up, grabbed Quin’s torch, and ran over to the crystals on the wall and began waving the torch back and forth and seeing how the crystals catch the light.

The Elder finally spoke. “You are surely the child of Terra. Everything in your being is made of Terra. Our bones and flesh are Terra. Every part of your body and everything that nourishes you is Terra. Terra is mud and rock. Terra is grass and bird wings. Terra is the very substance that makes us possible.”

“Oh. I was hoping for a breathing, speaking kind of parent. One that might tell stories and give hugs.”

“Terra can be that. There are many stories and messages contained in Terra, contained within yourself. And every act of connection is the touch of Terra. This is the source of your very being. You must treasure it.”

With some convincing, the Youth gave up the torch, and Quin found their way out of the cave and back to the Valley. Not really satisfied by the first part of the quest to find family, Quin went back to the people of the Valley and asked if they knew where to find Sol.

“Sol isn’t another rock, is it? I don’t think I want to find out my whole family is a mud puddle.” The people of the Valley laughed at this, but again they puzzled over the best place to find Sol. Eventually, the answer was that Sol could be found up on the top of the high mountain at the south end of the Valley.

So, again Quin journeyed to the very edge of their known world. The climb was difficult and tiring. Quin climbed through the night, with the light of the Moon, and as the Sun began to rise, Quin passed the tree line and saw the top of the mountain, an open windy space with a view for miles in all directions.

There were two figures on the highest spot. One was a lovely person with beautiful skin and long hair, scented with flowers. Quin was immediately drawn to this Lover, whose welcoming gaze beckoned. The other one was harder, harsher, carrying the sword and shield of a Warrior and with a look of determination.

Quin, a little nervously, giggled a little and then spoke to the Lover. “I was told that I could find Sol here on this mountaintop.”

“Yes, of course you can. Sol is rising there in the eastern sky.” The Lover gestured to the spreading purples and pinks of the sunrise.

“Oh no. That’s not what I thought. Sol is supposed to be my family.”

“Sol is your blood, your breath. Sol is everything that makes you move and think. Sol is the force that animates us all. It’s what makes the leaves turn green. It’s what makes the wind blow. And it’s what makes the heart beat.” The Lover reached over and touched Quin right over the heart. And Quin’s heart beat a little faster looking into those beautiful eyes.

The Warrior now spoke up. “Sol is motivation, strength. Sol is what gets us moving and keeps us alive. It’s love and it’s anger and it’s purpose. It takes your flesh and bone and it makes it into a living person.

“You have lived a sheltered life in the Valley, but now that you are grown, you must meet the world and know it for what it is. You must know the power of Sol and use it to both celebrate life and to fight to protect it.”

Quin, thoughtfully and a bit reluctantly, left the mountaintop and returned to that corner of the Valley that had been home. But now that Quin knew that they must explore the world outside the narrow confines of what they know. Terra and Sol were their family – they were what they came from and what they are made of. The raw stuff of Terra is animated by the power of Sol – that’s what makes each one of us who we are.

So, Quin set off to see the world and explore, to find joy and to find purpose.

And so the story continues. Did Quin live happily ever after? That part hasn’t been written, yet.

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

I have been quiet on this blog lately. I have done some writing – I wrote and submitted a piece for a queer magic anthology, which I will have more information on in the future.

I have also been putting a lot of mental energy into my new position as Magister for the Brotherhood of the Phoenix, which I mentioned on my previous post. This has taken a great deal of mental energy, even more than I anticipated. We’re going through discussions that cut to the very core of our mission and which will redefine who we are as an organization. And they have been contentious and sometimes emotional. And that intensity looks like it’s probably not going to let up for months, at least.

So, I’m getting some hands-on learning about how to help guide a group through conflict. How do I foster an environment where everyone feels heard? How do we balance the urge to hold onto what we know and value, while opening up to a broader vision? I knew these conversations were bound to happen, but they weren’t in the front of my mind when I took this position.

One of the Four Powers of the Sphinx is “to keep silence”. I have been thinking about this a great deal lately. I think a lot of people in this noisy world find this to be a very difficult lesson. Without trying to boast, I think I am better at it than many (which still doesn’t make me particularly good at it).

In much of my adult life, I have not sought to take the spotlight. I gave up music and theatre that I loved during my teen years. I didn’t put any of my writing in the public eye for years after college, even though I studied Creative Writing. It’s only in the past few years that I have kept this blog and occasionally did talks to (usually small) groups. I really made the decision to restrain my own voice. I try to think about whether my voice will contribute something in a given context before I speak up.

Now, as I am trying to navigate a leadership role in an organization, restraining my own voice has seemed even more important. If I start off a discussion with strongly stating my opinion of our path and what we should and shouldn’t do, I risk stifling different opinions. I have to find the right balance of saying enough to get the conversation going without trying to dominate the conversation. And of course, I have to watch to make sure conversations don’t descend into something hurtful.

Another aspect of this silence is that when I think about something to write about, I have been feeling empty, and a bit helpless. There are so many horrors in the world, from American politics, which seems to be lurching from one crisis to the next, to the horrifying stories coming out of Chechnya, to environmental disasters and disastrous environmental policy decisions.

I often feel the urge to run away to a remote location where I can plant a huge garden and watch over and try to protect some patch of forest. I have no idea how to change people. I don’t know how to make people compassionate or conscientious. I don’t know how to make them stop harming others and the environment. And I don’t think my voice – whether it be a blog post, a chant and a placard at a protest, a public meeting – is going to open people’s eyes to reverse the disastrous course that we’re on.